


Her Apprentice

by lovereylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst like you wouldn’t believe, Ben Solo - Freeform, F/M, First Order, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Rey - Freeform, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, darkness both mental and tangible, slowest burn ever, stormtroopers - Freeform, the resistance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:02:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27129650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovereylo/pseuds/lovereylo
Summary: "Whatever our souls were made of, his and mine were the same."Calana or better known as "Cimmerian," the First Orders most notorious force-weilding assassin, has been surrounded by her own personal demons ever since she became Snokes apprentice. But Calana is assigned her own apprentice, someone by the name of Kylo Ren, who is determined to break through her cold exterior and see the girl underneath.In a story of heartbreak, action, and conflict, will these two damaged people turned villans be each other's salvation or their destruction?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)





	1. Apprentice

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Wattpad with the username @avanater16! Follow me on ig @love__reylo. Thank you for reading!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt light yet dark all at the same time, he was shrouded in darkness and confusion, I didn't need to probe at his mind to feel that, I recognized it in myself. 
> 
> Whatever our souls were made of, his and mine were the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters take place two years before the events of "The Force Awakens," and also Ben isn't the same age as he was in the movie when he joined the First Order, he's a bit older, so yeah this story is definitely my own universe:)

Calana  
I dug my saber into the chest of the guard on my right, letting out a hiss of delight as it slipped through his armor easily, as if he was made out of rubber. With a grunt I ripped my weapon out of him and kicked him away with my boot, he fell to the ground... dead. 

I let out a scream through my teeth as I felt a hot pain slicing across my forearm, I whipped my head to the side, my hair falling into my eyes as I saw a Praetorian guard with his blade outstretched, the blade that was covered in my blood. 

Oh he didn't know how much he'd regret that.  
A smile spread across my face as I lunged for him, using my double bladed lightsaber I swung at him, the edge of the red stream just barely stroking his armor, enough for him to feel the heat, enough for him to get scared. 

I then kicked at his knee, making him stumble back. At this point I was just stalling, prolonging the fight just so I could amuse myself. After this I'd probably go back to training by myself for the next few weeks until I was assigned another mission which would probably be me just waiting for my vicitim and then giving them the mercy of a quick kill, I didn't delight in murder, I was dark, but I wasn't cruel. 

The guard dove at me, his long sword gleaming in the light, but as he aimed to hit me I split my saber into two so that I was holding either sides of the double blades, and raising one to block off his hit the other I dove into his helmet, leaving a large gaping hole in the red armor. 

I deactivated my weapon and sent him falling to the floor with a thump. He was one of the six Praetorian guards I was assigned to killing today, just to kill. Snoke had these men brought up solely for the purpose of my training, I didn't let myself think about them, I instead let the numbness I felt after every kill fill my veins, replacing the pounding in my head with nothing but silence. 

If I didn't let numbness wash over me now I was sure the crushing guilt would drown me right here and right now, every killing I had committed would leave my mind broken and I'd be shriveled up on the floor unable to move. But thankfully I kept my mind guarded, the only time that guilt tried to crush me was with my nightmares, I couldn't control those and normally I'd wake up screaming for mercy. Or someone to help me, but no one ever did. No one ever would.

I mean, who would help a monster like me?  
Silence. I looked up to the throne, clenching my hands.  
Silence wasn't good. 

"Your performance was adequate, to say the least." Snoke purred, his knobby hands flexing their fingers one at a time, resulting in a terrible crunching noise, I wondered if it was because his bones were so ancient. 

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. 

I had to stop myself from shuddering as I glared up at him from my spot on the floor. I adjusted my footing, tilting my weight from one foot to the other. The adrenaline that had filled my blood still pumped freely throughout me, I had barely gotten my energy out with those excuses of warriors, I wanted more, I wanted a real fight. I hadn't had any competition in years, ever since I started training with Snoke when I was only eight years old. 

"I performed in the way you taught me. I killed every single one-" I started, but he cut me off before I could finish with a simple wave of his hand. 

"If you performed to my standards you wouldn't have gotten hurt." He said, gesturing to the blood that was dripping down my arm. I itched to cover it, to wipe away the blood, but I didn't dare move, and remained frozen in my place. 

"And look at you, sweats dotting your face and you're still breathing heavily. My apprentice should be able to kill with ease in under six minutes." He said. I bit the inside of my tongue, tasting the iron bitterness of blood sweep over my tastebuds. I had killed them in five and a half but I doubted he had been counting. I was never enough, never enough for him, and never even enough for myself. I couldn't seem to please anyone. 

"Why are you here?" I spluttered out after too long of a silence had grown between us. I had noticed he was actually at the base and not just a projection sitting on the throne, this either meant he had some free time, (which never happened,) or something important was going on, I believed it was the ladder. 

Immediately realizing what I had said I heightened the walls around my mind to block him from entering and lowered my head, my cheeks burning. 

"My apologies, Supreme Leader." I said through gritted teeth, every nerve in my body straining as I said those words. Even though I had been trained to think otherwise my mind and body knew I wasn't meant to apologize, wasn't meant to cower. My spine ached to stand erect but I forced it into submission. 

"Relax Cimmerian, you are not my concern today." Snoke said, letting out a sigh and leaning back in his chair. I straightened, my sore muscles relieved without the added strain of staying in a crouched position. 

I raised my eyes to his, gold on obsidian black. I wondered if anything were darker than his eyes, they seemed to be void of any life, like they had been carved out of the silence of space, or the space between stars. 

"What do you mean, Supreme Leader?" I asked, itching to push the hair off of my sticky neck, I wanted to shower more than anything, wipe the filth of the fight off of my hands. But, Snoke was unpredictable, for all I knew I could be here until tomorrow morning...

"I've been looking into someone, recently." Snoke said, his fingers skimming the edges of his silk robes which I personally found horrendous, I wouldn't be caught dead in that glimmering gold outfit. 

"Who?" I asked before I could stop myself, I saw his eyes slitten, but he did not scold me. I wondered who it was, who else had he been tormenting, did he take them away from their family like he did to me? Did he break them down and train them with brutal mountain men in below freezing conditions to build temperament? I could almost feel bad for whoever this person was, but at the same time I knew they couldn't have possibly had it worse than I did. 

"A boy." He said, and my spine went rigid, my jaw locking into place. He had mentioned a boy before, but I didn't think this was the boy. The one with immense power who wasn't sure of a side yet, Snoke liked to tell me that he was more powerful than I was, at first I thought it was just to ruffle my feathers seeing how strong I was with the force, but now I wasn't so sure that he was just trying to anger me. 

"The Jedi?" I asked, making him bristle. He hated that word, which was exactly why I used it, if he wanted to be snark with me I too could play that game. 

"The Padawan." He corrected me, leaning back in his chair and stretching his legs. "His name is Ben Solo, and he will be your apprentice." I felt my shoulders drop and my stomach fall in a heap at my feet. 

"What?" I said, the words springing from my lips quickly before I could stop them. "I don't want an apprentice-" I started, but my jaw snapped shut painfully by a force, and I was frozen where I stood, the pressure around me building with Snoke's anger. 

"Dare defy me girl." He spat out, "You've seen my rage before, shall I remind you what it feels like?" I couldn't speak, or shake my head so I sent him my thoughts through the force and he smirked, his eyes sparkling with something dark. 

"Glad to know you remember your place, Cimmerian." He said, releasing me. I immediately flinched as his hold was released from me. I clenched my hands together at his name for me. I hated the name he had chosen for me when he took me as his apprentice: Cimmerian, it meant a person living near the dark, near the dead. It couldn't have been more grim, or more fitting. My real name was Calana, but I'd be skinned alive if I ever asked him to start calling me that instead. 

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted." He said, his eyes flicking over me uncomfortably. "The Padawan has decided to join our ranks instead of the Jedi's, he is strong in the force but needs mentoring in the dark side. So, I figured my most trained and loyal servant could do it." 

"Don't you want to?" I asked, taking a step forward, keeping my moves careful and calculated. I remembered one time I had walked towards him I had been blasted back with Sith lightning, and that wasn't like regular lightning, that stuff burned for days, just thinking about it now made my muscles tense. 

"Train him, I mean. Keep an eye on his progress." I said, knowing what I was saying was pointless. As much as I didn't want this boy in my life I knew Snoke's word overpowered mine ten to one. I didn't have a choice, whatever Snoke said went, without any opposition. 

"Oh, you mustn't worry about that, Cimmerian." He said, chuckling a terrible noise that reminded me of nails scraping metal. I had heard terrible noises before, people screaming, the howls of children as they saw their parents being taken away, the cries of my sister telling me not to go as I was dragged away by Snoke's men... but nothing compared to his laugh. 

"I will monitor his progress just fine, you will still report to me every week, but this time you will bring him along with you." He said, my muscles tightened and I had to resist the urge to throw something with the force. 

"But what about my missions-" But he cut me off again, and I snapped my mouth shut. I felt like I could never get out a full sentence when this man was around. 

"You'll still be my assassin, Cimmerian. But, you'll take him on all of your missions. The two of you will be spending a lot of time together, I believe you can strengthen from each other, snuff out each others weaknesses." He said. 

"I am not weak." I said, defiantly staring up at him. It was a lie. A lie that burned my throat on the way out and fell at my feet in a sad lump as it passed my lips. Snoke laughed once again, and I felt a shiver spider-crawl down my spine. 

"Dont be stupid, I see the conflict in you, young girl." Snoke said, making my heart thump angrily inside my chest. My animalistic side, the one that killed and craved for blood on her hands wanted to lash out, take my saber and ram it through his chest like I did to the guard, but the sensible side of me, the one who knew when her enemies were stronger than her stayed quiet, thinking better of it. 

"So how am I to train this boy?" I asked, my breathing which was once labored now even. 

"Train him in the ways of the Sith, I expect you to teach him how to bleed a kyber crystal and learn the full ways of the dark side of the force. Teach him everything I taught you." He said, I nodded, swallowing hard, my mouth suddenly dry. 

"Yes Supreme Leader, I won't disappoint you." I said, bending my head slightly in respect, even though that was the last thing I had for this man. 

"I know you won't, my faithful apprentice." He said, nodding his head, giving me a look that sent straight ice shooting down to my stomach.

Suddenly the sound of metal creaking alerted me that the doors to Snokes throne room were opening. I set my shoulders and clenched my jaw, this was the boy, I could feel his presence grow nearer with every unsteady beat of my heart. 

As I felt him grow nearer something strange started to happen. I felt something rising inside of me, a warmth, a pleasure. Something I could only describe as feeling heat after being in the cold for years, or having a piece of bread after experiencing near starvation. It was an unfamiliar feeling but one that got stronger as his footsteps got closer. 

"Ah. Ben Solo." Snoke purred, footsteps sounded throughout the room and I fought the urge to turn around and catch a peek at the boy I've heard so much about. I felt myself fidget on my spot on the ground, he felt light yet dark all at the same time, he was shrouded in darkness and confusion, I didn't need to probe at his mind to feel that, I recognized it in myself. 

Whatever our souls were made of, his and mine were the same. 

"Master Snoke." I saw the boy walk into my peripheral vision, from the corner of my eyes I saw a flash of dark hair and pale skin. And brown, he was wearing something brown, probably Jedi robes, he definitely wasn't from the First Order....

I raised my chin high, keeping my eyes locked onto Snoke's throne as if it was the most important thing in the room. I felt his eyes roam over me and I bristled, my hand itching to reach for my saber to show him what I was truly capable of. 

"I'm sorry, are the bodies distracting you?" Snoke asked, chuckling, I looked down, realizing the six guards I had slain were still lying around us, bloodied and beaten, I must've been too absorbed by my thoughts to realize the people I had killed were lying by my feet. 

Cimmerian: Someone living near the dark, near the dead. 

I suddenly felt nauseous. There was the guilt, the guilt that could suffocate me if I didn't keep my mind barricaded. It pressed down on me, threatening to bury me alive. But another wave of that feeling from the boy made that pressure go away. 

Who was this boy? And what was this feeling he was putting inside of me? 

With a wave of Snoke's hand the guards vanished from my view and I felt like I could finally let out a breath. Out of sight out of mind never applied more liberally than it had at that moment. 

"Cimmerian, meet Ben Solo. Ben Solo meet Cimmerian." This was my chance, I turned to look at him, truly look at him. 

He wasn't a boy. 

No, he was a man. A full fledged, jawline, built, man. He had dark hair that fell in soft curls around his face and down by his shoulders, with pale skin and sharp cheekbones. Freckles dotted his face and he had a slight blush to his cheeks, his nose was long and I could see the ridge at the top, just above the place where I'd punch if I wanted to break it. He was tall, so tall that I had to adjust my chin higher so I could take in all of him at once. 

With one glance I determined that he was handsome and strong, I could see the muscles through his clothes. He was a pretty boy, I'd give him that, actually it was almost annoying at how good looking he was, I probably looked bland next to him in my training clothes and damp scraggly hair. He was older than me, probably twenty three or twenty four if I guessed correctly. But, he was around my age I could assume. 

His eyes roamed my body, not in a greedy way but in an evaluating way, I felt my cheeks burn and I turned, barely offering him a blink before turning my shoulder towards him. I heard him suck in a sharp breath before turning on his heel also, to face Snoke. 

"Look at that, my two students finally together." Snoke purred, his words made a tremor run through me, "Ben, you will be training with Cimmerian while you learn to grapple with the ways of the First Order, you two will be spending a lot of time together so I suggest you break the ice early." He joked, making us both shift uncomfortably. 

This was not the time for laughs. 

"For now Cimmerian will be your master, you will listen to her and whatever she says and accompany her on her missions. Learn from her, she is a prime example of what you can become if you stay focused on the path I have put out for you, if you stay loyal to the darkside." He said. 

I felt Ben's eyes on me and I turned slightly so that our gazes met. His eyes were a peculiar shade, like hazel with flecks of green and gold. I continued to stare at him, clenching my jaw as we waited to see who would be the first to look away. Tension rose in my chest and I was the one to turn my attention back to Snoke, praying he thought my flushed cheeks were from the training I had endured. 

"You will be forgotten as the young Padawan, wiped clean of your past. From now on, you will be known as Kylo Ren." He said, I felt goosebumps rise across my arms. Kylo Ren. It sounded dangerous and dark and mysterious.  
I saw Ben-Kylo Ren shift on his feet, his breathing now heavy. I stole a glance at him and saw he was looking at Snoke with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. Fear. Uncertainty. I knew because that's how I felt when Snoke had stripped my beautiful name from me and given me one that was to ensue fear in the hearts of my enemies. 

I used to be Calana, with tan skin, golden hair and large caramel eyes. I was a sister, a daughter, I'd like to build things for fun and play around in the sand near our home. But now I was Cimmerian, assassin to the First Order and Snoke's apprentice, shrouded in darkness and buried in her own guilt. It's funny how quickly things can change in such little time. 

"I expect you and Cimmerian to work together, don't disappoint me." He said, his eyes flickering to mine. I bent down on one knee and Kylo glanced over at me, immediately hopping down to follow suit. 

"I won't, Supreme Leader. Thank you for this instructive... opportunity." I said, although the words made my stomach twist and my hands clench together tightly, so tightly that my nails bit into my skin.

"You may leave." Snoke said with a wave of his hand, dismissing us. I turned on my heel, strutting out of the room, my hair billowing out behind me as my boots slammed into the ground. I let out a frustrated breath, wringing my hands together. 

Of course I was stuck babysitting the Jedi. Why couldn't someone else take him, why couldn't Snoke's henchman back on Kijimi who trained me take him? Kylo Ren could learn a few things on the freezing hellish planet. 

I heard footsteps behind me and whirled around to see Kylo Ren following me, he was still wearing his Jedi robes that in all honesty looked bland and awkward on him, he'd look better in First Order garb. 

"May I inquire why it is that I'm being followed?" I said, crossing my arms over my chest and staring up at the tall man. 

"Well Snoke said I was to be your apprentice-" He started but I cut him off before he could finish. 

"Right my apprentice, not a lap dog, don't you have somewhere else to be?" I asked, his eyes flickered over my face and then down to the scar on my collarbone which I had been too lazy to cover this morning, I felt my blood rush to my face and I suddenly felt like I was being scrutinized by his gaze. 

"Where did you get that scar?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing together. 

"That's none of your business." I said, swallowing hard, his eyes finally met mine again and he let out a sigh. 

"I don't know where I'm supposed to go, Snoke brought me straight from the Padawan academy with barely a greeting, the only thing I know is that I'm to be training with you and my new name is Kylo Ren." He said, and although he tried to hide it, I could see the shudder that passed through him upon his new title. 

I sympathized with him, knew exactly what he was going through all too well. I wanted to help him, to befriend him and tell him it'd be alright as long as he stuck close to me and obeyed whatever Snoke told him to. But another part of me wanted him to be confused, to be worried, I never had a guiding hand to help me through some of the toughest years of my life, why should he? 

"Follow me." I said, fighting the will to just run off and leave him gaping at me in the middle of the hallway. He followed a step behind me, his footsteps barely audible on the marble. I could almost feel the sadness that was weltering up inside of him, his conflicted thoughts that were raging around in his head. Whatever he did to get here it must not have been easy. 

"Can you please silence your thoughts, you're giving me a headache." I said, looking over my shoulder. His head perked up at my words and he stared at me, clearly confused. 

"You could hear my thoughts? That's impossible, I had a wall up..." He said, trailing off.

"A weak one." I said, "The dark side of the force makes me much more powerful than you, you'll see your powers work the same way once you convert." I said, quoting what Snoke had said to me when I tried to resist his power, resist the darkness. 

I led him through hall after hall, and he didn't utter a single word to me, probably because he was still contemplating the action Snoke made him commit. For me, it had been to kill the man who had trained me while I was on Kijimi, the nicest one who built me fires and made me soup when I was too tired from training to do it myself. It had been my first kill. 

I stopped at a door, turning to face him, he had been closer than I expected and I took a step back, the back of my neck feeling awfully hot. 

"This will be your room, it's been empty for a few months so I doubt anyone's there now. I'll have a droid bring you a change of clothes and toiletries" I said, "My rooms across the hall, don't get in trouble, and don't contact me unless you're dying. Have a nice stay, Kylo Ren." I said, walking the five steps it took to get to my room, I suddenly regretted not giving him a room that was farther away. 

"Cimmerian." He said, his voice breaking the silence that had grown between us. I stopped in my tracks, not even bothering to turn around. 

"Thank you." 

I hung my head, he was still so... good, so full of light. And I was going to be the one who had to rob him off that light. It didn't feel right that I'd be stealing something that ensued such a feeling inside of me. 

So instead of saying anything to acknowledge his words I simply said: 

"Training starts tomorrow, don't be late." And then walked into my room, letting the door slide shut after me. 

Whoever this boy was, whatever feeling he was stirring up in my core irked me. The thing was, I should have been worried but I wasn't, and that scared me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I originally posted this on Wattpad and decided to post it here too because why the heck not? This is definitely one of my favorite fanfics I ever wrote and hope you stick around long enough to find out why. Thank you so much for reading!!


	2. Observation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Because, you're the most notorious assassin in the galaxy, the knife-" He said, plucking it from my hand and twirling it around in his fingers so that the metal caught the light, "Was merely just for show, you knew that I wasn't a threat." 
> 
> Wow, well someone changed overnight. He went from scared and vulnerable to cocky and arrogant.

Calana  
"I don't want you to go." She begged, clinging onto my leg. I was all she had, mom and dad were gone, if I left her she had nothing left. 

I bent down on one knee, ignoring the looks the men behind me were giving me, ignoring the feeling of their blasters aimed at my head. 

"Whatever happens I need you to be brave. Take care of yourself, remember what I taught you. Scavenge well and you'll have the resources you need." I said, scrubbing the tears off of her face with the pads of my thumbs. 

" Calana I'm scared." She said, her lower lip wobbling. I kissed the top of her head, engulfing her into a hug. 

"You're strong and brave. Never forget that." I said, pressing a kiss to her cheek before standing up. I had to fight the urge to cry as she stared up at me, I couldn't cry in front of my little sister, not now. 

'I'm sorry.' I mouthed, but she only shook her head, tears welling up in her large brown eyes. And then, the men behind me grabbed my arms and started to drag me out into the hot desert where their ship was parked. I tried to resist them but it was no use. They were Snoke's best men while I was just a girl who barely had a grasp on the force. I was no one. 

I shot up awake, clawing at my arms to get rid of the feeling of rough and calloused hands gripping at them. Looking around I realized I was back in my room on the Finalizer, in bed, my hair falling out of it's braid and my skin damp with sweat. It was a dream, just a dream. 

The same dream that had been tormenting me since the day I left my home. I could still feel the Jakku sun beating down on my skin as I was hauled away from my screaming little sister, could still feel the hair that stuck to my chapped lips as I yelled at them to let me go, that I didn't want to go with them. 

Feeling nausea stir in my stomach I immediately ripped the covers off of myself and bounded to the bathroom, my bare feet sticking to the floor as I went. I got to the toilet just in time as I hurled my guts into the bowl.   
Welcome to my morning routine. 

I leaned my head against my arm, if Snoke saw me like this he'd say I was weak, weak enough to let these dreams get to me as they did. Tried as he did he could never remove that memory from my mind, my sister was permanently etched into my brain, with her brown eyes and dark hair, and freckles the dotted her nose. She was everything perfect in the world, and I had abandoned her. 

I felt the python of guilt wrap around my neck and my stomach, squeezing me until I couldn't breathe and I was forced to retch what little dinner I ate the other night. 

Grabbing at the toilet paper I quickly wound up a few squares and wiped at my mouth, frowning at the bile taste as I dabbed at my lips. This really was getting bad, I couldn't remember a morning where I hadn't woken up from a nightmare and didn't have to run to the bathroom in fear of losing my stomach. 

Maybe Snoke was right, maybe I was weak. 

Standing up I tossed the toilet paper in the trash and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked exactly the opposite of how I felt, cold and strong, with harsh muscles and fine cheekbones. I barely had any curves on me thanks to my whole life practically being an intense training regime, I had never tasted sweets before so thankfully I never craved them, and I rarely drank anything besides water, I wasn't even allowed to have coffee because it would mess up my natural energy. 

With a sigh I ran my hands through my golden hair and put it up into a ponytail. I always loved my hair, it looked like my mothers, and shone in the sun brilliantly, like strands of gold. But, since I was almost always in a ship in the depths of space my hair never saw the sun anymore, I mean I didn't even have my tan that I used to flaunt around these pale First Order employees. Then only defining features of mine were my caramel eyes, those of my father. I hated seeing my hair or my eyes in the mirror because they reminded me of them, reminded me of what I had lost.

I shook my head, as if it would clear my thoughts. I then put on my training clothes which were a simple tank top and leggings, both skin tight and didn't leave much to the imagination. I wondered if I should have put on something more conservative considering I'd be training a man who I didn't really know that well, but then thought better of it. 

If he even thought about touching me, I'd know, and then he'd have a broken hand...

Smiling to myself at the thought I walked out of my room and over to Kylo Ren's knocking on his door with the toe of my boot. I leaned against the wall, waiting for it to open and have him come out disgruntled and clearly not used to the early wake up call, but instead I got nothing. 

With the force I reached out and found that there was no presence in his room, so where was he? I rolled my eyes and instead started to walk towards the training center, if he wanted to miss lessons than he'd miss lessons, it's fine by me considering I'd get more training time.   
Stormtroopers nodded at me as I walked past them, acknowledging my high status. I was the First Orders well-known assassin, people trembled at the sight of me from the stories they heard. Rumors were swirling around that I had killed more than six hundred people, but they weren't true. The exact number was one hundred eighty four, and I knew because I remembered each one, every kill seared a tally mark into my brain, painfully reminding me of what I did for a living. 

As I approached the door to the training room it swung open thanks to the motion sensors and I walked in, enjoying the smell of metal and sweat that immediately met my nose. I spent so much time in here that it had become like a second home to me. 

I felt something shift behind me and the hair on the back of my neck rose. Not hesitating for a moment I grabbed a knife from my waistband and turned on my heel, pointing it at whoever was behind me. 

Kylo Ren. 

He looked down at the knife just mere inches from his throat, his eyes wide. I glared up at him, rolling my eyes. I was about to pull the blade down when I found my hand frozen in place. Kylo Ren was using the force on me. The same force that left that sweltering pleasure bubbling up in my chest that I had to force back down. 

"Let me go." I growled through my teeth. He did as I asked and immediately I had regained my mobility back. I kept the knife in my hand and crossed my arms, looking up at him. 

"I could've killed you." I said, putting my weight on one foot so that my hip popped out. I saw him glance down, but then his eyes quickly went back up to mine, as if he had caught himself. He leaned back on his foot, raising a brow at me defiantly. 

"But you wouldn't." He said, his eyes almost challenging. 

"And how are you so sure, Kylo Ren?" I said, using his title like a nickname. 

"Because, you're the most notorious assassin in the galaxy, the knife-" He said, plucking it from my hand and twirling it around in his fingers so that the metal caught the light, "Was merely just for show, you knew that I wasn't a threat." 

Wow, well someone changed overnight. He went from scared and vulnerable to cocky and arrogant. 

"You're right, I know you're not a threat." I said, letting out a large smile and grabbing his wrist and twisting it so that his hand was forced to drop the blade. Using the toe of my boot I kicked it up and snatched it out of the air, sheathing it. 

Okay so maybe that was a bit showy but can you blame me? 

"I'm impressed." Kylo said, raising his hands up in the air and letting out a laugh. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, grinding my teeth together. How was I ever supposed to become this mans trainer? 

"How old are you?" I asked, moving to lean against the wall. He eyed me, something twinkling in his dark eyes. 

"Twenty two, and you?" He said, propping himself up against a machine that was used to simulate running. I had been right about his age after all. 

"Nineteen." I saw his eyebrows raise slightly and I found myself suddenly curious. I'd reprimand myself later for being so vulnerable but for now I wanted to know. 

"What's that look for?" I asked. 

"Nineteen and already the second highest rank in the First Order, that's quite an accomplishment." He said, his words were supposed to sound impressed, but it sounded more like he was making fun of me, like my rank and all I did to get here was nothing but confetti to him. 

"Whatever flattery you are trying it won't work." I said, making him snap his mouth shut and glare at me, I gave him a pearly white smile, finally I had brought him back down to Earth and off of his high horse...

"Now, tell me, Kylo Ren, what type of training did you do before?" I said, sitting myself down on a bench and stretching my long limbs out in front of me. 

"Mostly lightsaber training, and how to keep at peace with not only myself but the force." He said, his eyes staying on mine. I looked down at my shoes, my cheek hot, I wondered if this man ever broke eye contact. 

"And who trained you?" I asked, wondering if I'd recognize the name from the long list of people I was meant to kill. 

"Luke Skywalker." He said, the name seeming awkward and heavy in his mouth. I felt myself sit up, my mouth drifting open. I shut it and recomposed myself. Luke Skywalker had been the man we had been looking for for years. He was the man Snoke wanted to have his head pinned up as a trophy on his wall. 

"Why would someone like Luke Skywalker be training you.?" I said, the words flinging themselves from my lips before I could stop them, his eyes darkened and I felt the force darken with him. 

"He was my uncle." He said, my stomach dropped and I felt myself bristle with anger. Snoke hadn't told me he was of Skywalker decent. "Is that a problem?" He asked, noticing my change in mood. No, it wasn't a problem that he now could probably surpass me in my training and knock me off of the pedestal completely from just his bloodline alone. He could be the next Darth Vader, why wouldn't Snoke want him to be the future Supreme Leader of the First Order, instead of me? 

"No." I said, "Stand in the center of the mat. Your training starts now." 

He gave me an odd look but hesitantly walked into the white ring of the black mat in the center of the room. He crossed his arms together and looked down at me expectantly, waiting, calculating what my next move was going to be. 

I shot my hand out and a wooden stick flung itself into my awaiting palm, resulting in a crack that sounded throughout the room but I barely felt it. Kylo swallowed but didn't flinch, his eyes glued onto mine. I felt that warmth inside of me pulse slightly and I felt my head swim, but I ignored it.

"Close your eyes." I told him, but he scoffed, shaking his head, making me raise a single brow at him. "Remember who you're speaking to, apprentice." I said, enjoying the power I had over him. Seeing how big and threatening he looked it was strange knowing I could somehow overrule him. Well, that is until he uses his Skywalker bloodline and shoots through the ranks, becoming the next Darth Vader. 

A shudder passed through me and Kylo cleared his throat. I had been staring at him for too long. Blushing angrily, I gestured with my hands to proceed with what I had asked him to do, and reluctantly he closed his eyes, shifting his weight from foot to foot. 

"As I was told you've only been trained in the lightside of the force, following the Jedi teachings. Is that right?" I asked, pacing in front of him, letting my stick drag eerily against the polished floor resulting in an uncomfortable squelching noise. 

"Yes, that is correct, Cimmerian." He said, using my name like a flippant term. I rolled my eyes, giving him my middle finger and wishing his eyes were opened so he could see it. 

"But Snoke told me you have a calling to the dark, a conflict within you?" 

"Yes." I felt my stomach drop, he was like me, he felt the call to both. I so desperately wanted to lower my stick and talk to him about it like humans instead of master and apprentice, but of course, I couldn't. And besides, it's not like this arrogant man would want to talk to me about feelings anyways. 

"I really don't see the point of this." He said, opening an eye to peer at me. But I glared at him, nudging his shoulder with my stick. 

"No peeking." I said, and with a melodramatic sigh he rolled his shoulders and closed his eyes. I smiled, and continued to pace in front of him, letting the sound of my footsteps annoy him like the ticking of a clock, or the drip in the sink that you couldn't fix. 

"Cimmerian-" He started, clearly done with my games, but I had already hit his chest with the end of my stick. He stumbled back, gripping at his torso with his hand, something fiery ignitng in his hazel eyes. He started to come at me but I froze him with the force, making him even more livid.

"How dare you-" He started, but I let out a laugh, keeping him frozen with the force as I got close to him, close enough so that I could see the finer freckles on the bridge of his nose. 

"Ah, such vile, angry thoughts run through your head, Kylo Ren." I said, poking his temple with my finger, making him let out a low growl.   
"Get out of my head." He breathed. 

"I'll think about it." I said, reaching up and pushing a piece of his feathery dark hair away from his face, my skin touching his just briefly before I lowered my arm, feeling as if an electric shock had ran through my veins at the contact. 

"Cimmerian." He said, through gritted teeth, still unable to move. 

"Okay fine, I'll get out of your mind." I said, smiling down at him. The vein in his forehead was now popping out from him restraining my force to no avail. "Only if you make me." I grinned devilishly and he gave me a strange look. 

"Dirty thoughts once again!" I said, nudging his shoulder with my stick. His cheeks turned the faintest hue of red seeing as I had seen his intimate thoughts upon the phrase 'make me,' and I had to resist the urge to grin. 

"I swear, once I'm released-" He started, but I snapped his jaw shut with the force and he let out a yell of protest behind his clenched lips. 

"I want you to only use the dark side from now on. You will close your eyes and stand in the center of the mat, and you need to push me out of your head while also getting hit by my stick." I said, waving it gallantly in my arms. 

"But that's not-" 

"Fair?" I finished for him, making him raise his brows in surprise. "You're right, but nothing ever is." Releasing my hold on him he straightened, giving me a deadly glare as he ran his hands through his hair, fluffing it. 

"Alright, move to the middle." I said, poking his hip with my stick. Stiffly he moved so that he was standing in the center of the white ring once again, his breathing heavy as he probably tried to resist the urge to lash out at me. I smiled, poking around in his mind to see that I had gotten under his skin. 

"Now what?" He said, his words full of little amusement. I gave him a grin which he eyed, knowing that whenever I smiled it meant trouble. Slowly I reached into my pocket and pulled out my red scarf, the one I carried around with me everywhere because it was the one I wore into battle, the one I wore when I killed, to hide my face against my enemies. 

"What is that?" He asked, eyeing the red fabric. 

"It's my mask, you'll probably be getting one soon too. Snoke doesn't like us to reveal our faces outside of the base." I said, walking over to him. He tensed, his eyes stuck on mine as I walked over to him. 

"Relax." I said, for some reason, finding it in myself to comfort him. I looked down at my hands, wringing my fingers together awkwardly. His eyes met mine and I felt that same warmth and comfort wash over me, easing away my discomfort. I opened my mouth to ask him about it, but then thought better of it, pinching my lips together. 

"Close your eyes." I told him, and he did what I said after giving me a strange look. I reached up onto my toes so I could reach him and then wrapped the scarf around his eyes, obscuring his vision. He flinched at the feeling of the fabric touching his skin but didn't lean away, instead relaxing, letting his shoulders drop and his breathing even. 

It smells like her. 

Was the thought that ran through his brain, making me stiffen, my arms still coiled around his head as I was in the middle of tying the scarf into a knot. I swallowed, backing away and grabbing my stick once again. 

"Remember, when I hit you, you'll get angry, angry at me, angry at the fact that you can't predict my next move, and angry at yourself for being vulnerable, you'll also be in pain. Use that. Use that pain and anger as fuel for your actions, instead of relying on peace to slowly connect you to the force, choosing the dark side that force and that power will come much more easily, you just need to change your perspective." He nodded as if he was actually seeing me as his trainer and not some assassin girl who was younger than him. 

"Your main goal is to turn your anger into power and push me out of your head, understand?" I asked. 

"Yes." He said, letting out a breath as if he was preparing himself. 

I started to pace around him, making sure my footsteps were light, untraceable, as I circled around him over and over again, switching up the direction I was going in just to confuse him if he was tracking me, which I doubted. 

Suddenly, I swung my rod at the back of his knee, making him flinch but not fall. I didn't want to injure him, or even bruise him, I wanted to apply the right amount of pressure so that he'd feel the sting and wouldn't be able to focus as clearly. 

I then moved so that I was standing in front of him, hitting his shoulder, and making him let out a grunt of pain. I felt the anger in his mind, so dark, so all consuming, so much like mine. It scared me when I poked around in his mind to see how similar we were. 

I hit his knee, making him nearly double over in pain, I hadn't realized just how strong that hit had been, and I felt guilt course through me but I didn't dare apologize, I knew better than that.

"Come on." I urged him, "Use the dark side." I said, twirling the wooden rod in my hand so that it made a slight whooshing noise as it slid through the air. When he didn't do anything but stay crouched on the floor I hit his side, making him let out an angry hiss, and I saw his hands inch towards his head where his blindfold was before slowly coming back down. So he had self-control, that was good. 

I swung low and hit the back of his head, which thankfully would be slightly cushioned by his thick dark hair, a good reason to have such luscious locks, I guess. 

"Cimmerian." He said through his teeth, his anger radiating off of him in strong waves, I didn't need to push through the walls in his head to see how furious he was right now. 

"Use it." I said, "Use everything you're feeling right now as fuel." Kylo clenched his hands into fists, his breathing heavy as his head whipped around, trying to find me. But I kept my breathing light, and my footsteps even lighter, years of training resulted in me being quieter than a shadow, he'd never find me. 

"Cimmerian." He said again, something building in the force around him, he was angry, not only angry at me but at himself, he thought he should've been able to snap me in his hands, that he'd be able to pass every test with ease and surpass me in everything we did. 

How wrong he was...

I hit his left shoulder harder than before just to invoke him even further. It worked. He reached for the stick just as I was pulling it away and then he yanked it away from me with the force and threw it to the wall so that it snapped into two, falling into a sad pile on the floor. 

He then yanked the scarf from his eyes and glared up at me from his spot on the floor, his face shone with sweat and his eyes were darker than what I remembered them to be before. So this was what Snoke saw him to be, this wasn't Ben Solo, no, this was Kylo Ren. 

For a moment we just stared at each other, both trying to control our breathing. When I tried to enter his mind again I bounced back as if I had hit an invisible wall, a wall that with some effort I'd be able to break through but for now was enough. 

"Was my performance efficient enough for you?" He growled, looking up at me through his eyelashes. I swallowed, the feeling that he emitted tugging at me, urging me to go towards it, and let myself be enveloped in its arms. I shoved it down as I said: 

"Yes." I said, "Although next time you'll have to do it in half the time." I said, he stood to his full height making me glower, it was nice to have to look down at him for once. 

"There's going to be a next time?" He asked, raising a thick eyebrow at me. I wanted to laugh at the gesture, something I hadn't done in years, but I didn't, knowing I shouldn't have been feeling that way around him. 

"Yes." I said again, "Tomorrow we'll be working on keeping borders around the mind, so come prepared. You are dismissed." He looked at me, opening his mouth as if he wanted to say something but then he closed it, as if he thought better of it. 

His eyes stayed on me as he walked past me, close enough so that his arm brushed mine as he grabbed at my hand, I started to yank it away but then I felt something soft touch my palm. I looked down to see I was now gripping my scarf, the one that had been wrapped around his eyes before. 

"Thank you, Cimmerian. For the instructive seminar." He said, mockingly before walking off and letting the door slide shut loudly behind him. But even though he was walking away the feeling he gave me, that warmth, that glimmer did not go away, it stayed, growing stronger the more I thought about it. 

I groaned and slammed my hand into the wall, so that a loud thud resonated throughout the room. I hissed as I pulled my palm away, cringing at the blood that was weltering up around my knuckles. I swore, sucking on my lips in pain as I stared at my reddening hand through a haze of tears. 

I could've force-healed myself, but then again that was a Jedi technique and I deserved the pain, deserved the hurt for being so vulnerable today. And besides, the pain would be a reminder every time I even thought about getting close to Kylo. 

With a sigh I flexed my injured hand and walked out of the room, not caring that my blood was dripping onto the floor as I went. 

I walked into the cafeteria, wearing leather gloves to hide the still throbbing wound on my knuckles. I felt everyone's eyes move onto me as I walked in, the talk around the room silencing. I let a large smile flash onto my face as I eyed the crowd around me, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. Realizing my annoyance the conversation started once again, slowly at first and then eventually rolling back into what it had been. 

I didn't know why people had that reaction towards me, I think some feared me while others hated me. A few months ago I remembered being taunted by a few soldiers for being a woman and of such high rank, later that day they were sent to the infirmary with varying wounds. 

Harsh whispers were always around me wherever I went, I used to listen to them, my heart aching as I realized what others thought of me, but now I didn't care enough to care. 

"There she is, the killer." Someone said, I turned briefly, my eyes skimming the face of a woman older than me, with auburn graying hair and wrinkles surrounding her eyes. Bitch. I winked at her before turning on my heel and starting to grab my food, enjoying the way her face contorted into shock as she realized I had heard her. 

I piled my plate with food not even bothering to care about what I put on, knowing it was the same as last time, meat, salad, and a carb, subconsciously my body already knew what to put on my tray. The simple basics that would satisfy me until my next meal, but not enough so that I couldn't go through a whole training seminar without puking. 

I then grabbed my tray and headed up to the second level of the cafeteria where people of higher First Order ranks were. Also where the words about me were harsher because this time the people saying them were only a few people away from my position in power, knowing that if they killed me some of them would be closer to the throne, closer to being the next Supreme Leader of the First Order. 

I went up the stairs and to the second level, people glared at me, some in anger and some in fear as I weaved through officers and lieutenants to get to my table in the back of the room, where Rue was already waiting, sipping on her coffee as she typed something into her holopad. 

"Well you look awfully happy this morning." She said as I slammed my tray onto the table and slid into my seat, barely settling in before I was ripping my roll into pieces and plopping them into my mouth.

I glared at her, and she laughed, continuing to nurse her drink. Rue had been my friend since as long as I had been on the base, she was a high nurse, and worked in the infirmary. She had seen me sitting alone while I was eating and invited me to come sit up with her on the second level, where there were no annoying stormtroopers or terribly loud conversation. We had talked for hours that day, only leaving because I had a mission to train for. We had become each other's crutch, the ones we could talk to when we were both overwhelmed and just needed someone. 

Of course I couldn't talk to her about the real things that troubled me, the darkness that was always brushing my tall walls, threatening to crumble them and shatter me until I was nothing but shards of what I used to be..

"What is it?" She asked, finally turning off her device to look up at me. "I haven't seen you since yesterday before your meeting with Snoke."I shuddered at the memory of the meeting, grabbing my water and chugging a healthy amount before putting it down so harshly that I was surprised the glass didn't shatter. 

"I have a new apprentice." I said, her eyes widened and I saw her nearly choke on her drink. 

"An apprentice?" She asked, and I nodded, spearing my piece of meat with my fork, the blood that leaked off of it suddenly made me feel sick and I instead moved onto my salad. 

"His name is Kylo Ren, he's strong with the force, Snoke thinks he's even stronger than I am. He wants us to be like partners, I'm supposed to train him in the dark side, he'll be coming with me on every mission, I'll never be alone again." I said, biting into a tomato. I decided to leave out that strange warm glow I felt whenever he was around me, knowing she'd probably think that my lack of sleep was finally getting to me. 

"That's awful." She said, her dark eyebrows drawing in. Rue was pretty, she had tan skin and dark brown hair that hung in waves just above her shoulders. Men were always talking to her, trying to get her to come to their quarters later that night. But, she always refused, she only had eyes for one person...

"Hello ladies." Someone said, speak of the devil. "What's so awful?" Officer Hux said, sitting into the seat next to me. I bristled, somehow finding it in myself to not take out my saber and plunge it into his midsection. But, I still pushed him away with the force, making his chair squeak on the polished floor, he glared at me. 

"Rude." He said, twirling his fork into the noodles on his plate, I rarely ever saw him eat, he was always so busy trying to heighten his title into General. Right now he was just merely an Officer, though he was sure that in a few months time he'd be able to acquire the title of General of the First Order. I wanted to laugh at the idea, it was complete ludicrous, and I knew it would never happen. 

"But since Calana is so intent on letting others know the crabby mood she's in, how are you today Rue?" Hux asked, laying his charms on thick. They both had feelings for each other but they were just too shy to admit it. 

"I'm doing fine, how are you, Hux?" She asked, a slight blush spreading across her cheeks. 

I suddenly had the urge to gag myself with my own spoon. 

"I'm good, I had a talk with Snoke today, did you know he's actually on the Finalizer today." He said, Rue's eyes widened in false surprise, she already knew of that because I had told her when I felt his presence on the ship, his actual presence and not just his hologram. 

"Calana, you know Snoke, has he mentioned my new status as leading Officer?" I raised my eyebrows, as if I was actually surprised at what he told me, but he saw through my sarcastic facade and frowned at me. 

"No, while we're training the Supreme Leader has no time for such feeble matters." I said, playing with my fork, running it over the ceramic plate so that it gave out little squeaks. Hux looked down at me, his lips twitching in annoyance, but he then turned towards Rue, delighting himself in small talk with her. I drowned him out, not caring about what he had to say about the weather even though it didn't matter much considering space never changed its climate, when suddenly I heard him say: 

"You know, rumors are floating around that we have another force user on the ship. Someone that Snoke is supposed to be training into some merciless warrior." He said, my head perked up at his words and he noticed, smiling seeing as he had caught my interest. "Do you know of this Calana, considering your close ties to the Supreme Leader." I felt my breath catch in my throat and I looked up to see Rue eyeing me. I let out a sigh, I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret forever. 

"Yes, and he's my apprentice, I'm the one training him." Hux bristled, opening his mouth to say something, but then his eyes fixed onto something, or onto someone in the level below us, we could see the ground floor because our table was close to the edge. 

"Who is that?" Hux asked, pinching his lips together. I looked down to see none other than Kylo Ren strutting through the doors, he certainly wasn't trying to stay invisible regardless of the fact that he was wearing bland training clothes. And I mean, even if he wanted to be a nobody he couldn't have been, he was too tall, too handsome that it was impossible for nobody to not notice him. 

Everyone's eyes suddenly turned on him, the feelings in the room were conflicted, some were jealous of him, others were curious, and some of the women in the room, well... their thoughts weren't exactly the cleanest. 

Kylo grabbed a few things from the meal line, putting a sad apple and juice on his tray along with a salad before moving to sit alone towards the left of the cafeteria, people eyed him as he started to poke at his salad, but he ignored them, acting as if he didn't notice the whispers or the strange looks people were giving him. 

He's cute, I should sit with him. Someone thought, their thoughts slamming into me like a tidal wave. 

I want to pound his face in for walking in like he owns the place. Another person thought. 

I wonder if he's the new apprentice? Someone else thought, I shuddered and suddenly stood, my legs having a mind of their own. 

"Calana where are you going?" Rue asked, I looked at her ignoring the strange glances Hux was giving me and instead gave her a sweet smile. 

"Excuse me." I said, before walking off and bringing my tray with me. I walked down the stairs and down to the first level, the edge of my tray biting into my skin as I ignored the murderous looks people were giving me. 

I raised my chin high as I walked the few feet to Kylo's table and then slammed my tray down onto it, putting myself in the chair across from him . His eyes raised to mine and his eyebrows lifted, a small smile working itself onto his lips. 

"Hello apprentice." I said. 

"What are you doing?" He asked, not even bothering to put any energy into his voice, I suddenly felt like he was an older sibling who didn't want to deal with a younger sister. I ignored his tone and instead put on a smile. 

"I saw you sitting alone and decided I'd join you." I said, grinning at him as I put a piece of bread into my mouth. He looked from his food back to me, awfully slowly. 

"People are staring, Cimmerian." He said, my false name rolling off of his lips so smoothly that a shiver went down my spine, making me shudder, he eyed my movement, taking a bite of his salad. 

"And you think I care?" I asked, leaning back into my chair and taking a carrot onto my fork, twirling it around in the dressing before plopping it into my mouth. 

"I think you dont like me very much which makes it strange that you'd decide to come over here, leaving your pretty friend and deathly pale ginger in the higher level to sit with someone who I was sure you despised, especially since earlier this morning you were whacking me with a stick." He said, suavely taking a bite of his apple, resulting in a crunching noise. His words were oddly calm, as if we were simply expressing space or some other mundane topic. 

Pretty friend. 

"You're evaluating me?" I asked, leaning forward and biting a piece of meat off of my fork, feeling dangerously daring at the moment. His eyes lingered on my lips before lifting up to meet my gaze. 

"No. Just observant." He said, with a shrug of his shoulders, continuing to chew on his apple. 

"I know what it's like to sit alone in here, wanting someone to talk to, so I thought I'd help you avoid that." 

"No. You saw the looks, you heard the whispers. You saw them treating me like they treated you and you felt empathetic." He said, I suddenly felt transparent, like he had seen through my walls that I had been building since I became Cimmerian, the armor I wore to protect myself from the guilt and the darkness and the crushing weight of my subconscious. 

I swallowed, not feeling so hungry anymore. 

"I don't feel empathetic towards anyone, ever." I said through my teeth, hoping my anger would send a clear message to him to back the hell away from the topic. How had he known so much? How had he been able to see through me so easily? 

"Just towards me then, wow I feel very special." He said, my eyes flashed down to stare at my plate in surprise and I clenched my hand around my fork so tightly that the metal bent. I hid my hand in my lap before he could see. 

"You looked lonely." I simply said, squinting my eyes as I looked up at him. His eyes were glued onto mine and it became clear that he had been staring at me the entire time. I lifted my napkin up to my lips, unsure if I had gotten food on my mouth, or in my teeth. 

"Assasins don't care about lonely people." He said, bringing his juice up to his lips and taking a long sip before setting it back down. 

"Well, I don't think you know this assassin as well as you think you do." I said, licking my lips as my words ran through his head, I could practically see the gears turning in his mind, analyzing what I had said. 

"I think I know you better than you think I do." He said, his eyes flashing dangerously. I swallowed, panic making my throat close up. I clenched my hands into fists and felt pain travel up my forearm from my injured hand, but I ignored it. 

"What do you mean?" I asked, but he only smirked, leaning back in his chair. I sneakily tried to slip into his mind but he had created a barrier encasing it, strong enough where my presence would be known if I even tried to poke into it. 

"Get out of my mind, Cimmerian." He said, eyeing me. I swore under my breath and did as I was told, an angry blush rising along my cheekbones, "What happened to your hand?" He took a bite of his apple casually, and I felt my stomach turn. I hadn't talked about what I had done after he left and my knuckles were covered by a leather glove, I suddenly feared that he had seen me do it, but that'd be impossible. 

"Nothing happened." I said, giving him a small smile that I hoped didn't look strained. 

"I beg to differ." 

"How so?" I asked, leaning forward so that we were now sharing the same space, his eyes brightened at the movement but he didn't move away, and instead peered at me, his gaze roaming my face. 

"I've never seen you wear gloves before, not to mention you're eating with your right hand and your left is your dominant, I know because it was the hand you used to not only swing the stick but the one to hit me with, also, you refrained from touching the table as you sat down, and held the tray with only your right."

"So you were analyzing me." I said, he laughed, his breath tickling my face making me scrunch my nose. 

"I told you, I'm just observant." 

"They're staring at us, Ren." I said, realizing the crowd had gone silent around us, noticing our close proximity and hushed whispers. Kylo's eyes didn't roam around the room, nor did he lean away, he instead leaned an inch forward, his eyes stuck on mine. 

"Should we give them a show, then?" He asked, smirking slightly. 

"No, we need to space it out, maybe dinner?" I said, making him let out a laugh, I grinned, finally leaning away from him and chewing on my lower lip as he continued to look at me, laughing and shaking his head. 

"I'm still figuring you out Cimmerian." He said, with another shake of his head, he then stood and grabbed my tray, seeing as I had finished, and with a quick nod of his head towards me and a bow to the crowd who were still staring at us, he left, letting the doors slide behind him without so much as a look back. 

I'm still trying to figure you out Cimmerian. His words rang through my head like an alarm, I knew I should've been worried, concerned that he was analyzing me, studying my every move and wondering what I'd do next, another pair of eyes on me, another reason to be worried about him. 

But another part of me, the part that of me that wanted someone to care about me, or at least just notice me said: 

Don't stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah. Developing angst and tension from early on in their relationship...  
> Also just as a reminder, several chapters will be their backstory, Kylo and Calanas, and how Ben Solo slowly became Kylo Ren, and then there will be a time jump and then we'll jump into the events of The Force Awakens.   
> Until next time friends:)


	3. Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My eyebrows raised subconsciously as I saw Kylo Ren hitting a punching bag in the corner of the room. He was wearing a tank top and pants and his bare skin shone with sweat that gleamed in the fluorescent light. His hair was damp and hung around him in dark waves. 
> 
> His eyes flashed towards me right as he was about to go in for an uppercut, and instead he lowered his hand, summoning a towel to his palm with the force as he approached me, wiping at the sweat on his brow. 
> 
> "Hello Cimmerian." He said flashing me a bright smile, I shuddered at the way he said my name, I liked how it came out of his lips, he made it sound much less grim than it actually was. "What wonderful lesson do you have planned today?"

-Calana-  
I laid awake in bed, my eyes seemed to be stuck open, unwilling to close. My subconscious was weighing down on me like a crushing weight, making me feel like I was being crushed from the inside out, suffocated slowly, my life oozing out of me. 

Everything I had done, who I was, flashed through my head, keeping me alert. Memories of blaster triggers being pulled, blood coating the knife in my hand, and my first kill with my very own lightsaber bled through my mind, making me shudder, and pull the blankets closer around me. 

When I was in on a mission, or even just doing things for the First Order around the finalizer I could somewhat keep my mind off of my past, off of my guilt, but when I was in bed with no distractions that python was back, squeezing around my neck until I couldn't breathe and suddenly I was being drowned in my own guilt.   
I had killed so many. So many. None innocent but still people. People that probably had families, had lives and people that cared about me. Sure I had killed thugs who hurt people and were probably better off lying twenty feet under the ground, but they were humans nonetheless, humans like me. 

And in the end, what made me any better than they were? They were criminals but so was I. I was a killer, a murderer, an assassin. I was nothing more than the speck on peoples boots, I didn't deserve what I had, I didn't even deserve a quick and painless death, I deserved to rot in a cell somewhere for the rest of my life, withering away into nothing but dust.   
I pressed my face into the pillow, my head pounding as my temples ached. I grabbed at my hair, tugging at it as tears started to spark at my eyes. 

Sitting up, I felt my panic starting to rise inside of me, coming in at me on all sides and I couldn't stop it. 

It was too fast. Too strong. Like a strong tide washing over my head, pulling me under its current, forcing me to submit to it. 

You're nothing. A voice chanted inside my head over and over again so that I started to believe it. I shook my head feeling like I was spinning out of control, I couldn't breathe, my chest heaved yet I couldn't get a lungful of air.   
The room began to spin around me as if I was on a top. The voices of the people I killed, their begging for mercy and their last breaths filled my ears. I could hear the thumps of bodies hitting the floor over and over again until I couldn't take it anymore. 

I began to scream, scream and scream, begging for mercy, for anyone. 

-Kylo-  
"Ben no!" Luke's scream filled my ears as I jumped awake, the sound of my hut crumbling around me still ringing around in my head. I almost killed him, I meant to kill him. 

I shuddered and started to sit up, letting the blankets fall away from me and ran a hand through my hair, stretching my arms above my head. Darkness fell in a blanket around me, muffling everything, nothing seemed to matter anymore, everything seemed almost bleached.   
Except for Cimmerian. No, she was different. It was strange, I felt a tug towards her whenever I was close, almost like my body wanted to be closer to her. And when I was with her I felt... comfortable, I didn't focus on my past, or everything that I had left just to be here. All I could focus on was her. 

She made living here so much easier, I didn't have to focus on my past or who I had been before this, before Snoke had completely taken over my life. She gave me something to look forward to, this morning I was actually excited to train, I woke up early and decided to meet her there to make myself look like a good apprentice, of course she did press a knife to my throat upon seeing me, but it was the thought that counts. 

I started to stand, reaching over for the water on my nightstand when I felt something wash over me, a darkness, a sadness, a panic. It was so intense that my knee's buckled and I had to grab at the headboard for support. 

I knew who it was before I even knew I was pulling on a shirt and walking out the doors. It was Cimmerian, and something was awfully wrong. I didn't know what it was, or why I even was going to see her, I shouldn't have cared what she did, especially when bruises were starting to form from when she hit me with her stick just a little too hard. 

I should have hated her, and a part of me did, a part of me was jealous that although she was younger than me she was already in such a high place, but another part of me was just curious. Curious to see who she was behind all those coy smiles and eye rolls, behind all her armor. 

So that was why I slipped on some shoes and ran over to her room, my breathing labored as I rap'd on her door. 

I waited, crossing my arms over my chest as I rocked back onto my heels, maybe I was wrong, maybe there was nothing wrong with her and I was just feelings things.

I ran my hands through my hair, about to turn around when the door slid open, revealing Cimmerian. 

She looked disheveled, her hair which I had only ever seen in a ponytail was now down and laid in blonde waves over her shoulder, it looked so soft that I wanted to reach out and touch it, but of course I didn't. Her cheeks were red, as if she had scrubbed at them just seconds before, and her eyes were puffy and swollen, bloodshot, as if she had been crying. 

She looked up at me with those golden honey eyes, crossing her arms over her chest, she was wearing a silk nightgown with fringe at the top, the hem stopped just above her knees, revealing some of her muscular thighs. I quickly lifted my gaze up to hers, noticing how she stiffened at my staring. 

"What is it, Kylo Ren?" She asked, any hint of the sweetness she had from sitting with me earlier completely gone, vanished just like her frigid exterior, now she just looked vulnerable. Like a girl and not like a trained warrior. Her accent rolled off of her tongue smoothly, I had yet to find out where it was from. 

"I wanted to see if you were okay, I felt something-" I started, and I saw her face whitten and she clenched her jaw, waiting to see what I had to say, but I had trailed off, scratching at the back of my neck. 

"Are you alright?" I finally asked, making her hug her arms tighter around herself, almost as if she was trying to shield herself from my words, like she didn't like being helped or consoled. "I understand darkness, conflict, if you ever need to talk to-" But she cut me off by shaking her head, a few strands of her hair falling into her face. 

"You felt nothing, it was a misunderstanding, and besides, you couldn't possibly understand anything of what I've gone through." She said, "Or what I'm going through." Her last sentence was so quiet I barely heard her. 

Although her words were icy and I should've gotten the idea to leave her be, I instead planted me feet and looked down at her. 

She felt conflict, I could feel it rolling off of her in strong waves. As many walls as she put up, and however strong she was in the force for some reason she couldn't keep me from knowing how she was feeling, from somehow getting my claws in just deep enough so I could read her through the force, I did it without trying, without noticing. 

"I could try," I said, "to understand." Her eyes flashed up to mine and something flickered within them. A desperation, a silent calling to not let her walk back through that door and continue to go through whatever hell she was in the midst of, it called out to me, screamed for help. 

But surprisingly her face remained like stone, that was a trained skill, one that I had mastered as well. 

"No." She said, "You won't. Goodnight, Kylo Ren." She started to walk off but I grabbed her arm, her hard muscles twitched in my grip and she twisted her arm away in such a complex and skilled manner that I was forced to drop her bicep. She then walked into her arm, not giving me so much of a look back before the door slid shut and I was once again alone in the hall. 

Although the door was shut between us it didn't stop the darkness from reaching me, didn't stop the loneliness that slammed into me like a truck, or the panic that was shoved so far down my throat that I struggled to breathe, didn't stop all the emotions I was feeling that weren't even my own. 

I didn't sleep much that night, and I doubted she had at all. 

-Calana-  
I didn't sleep last night. Not one wink. After Kylo left my doorway and I had stayed in the corner of my room, wedged in between the walls my forehead pressed to my knees as faces of the dead flashed through my mind. 

Cimmerian: Someone living near the dark, near the dead. 

I shook my head as I ran a brush through my hair, avoiding my eyes in the mirror. I knew what I'd see if I looked at them, the eyes of a murderer. The eyes of a girl so lost inside herself that there was no hope she'd ever resurface. 

With a sigh I set down my brush, grabbing my scarf I was about to tie my hair up but instead thought better of it and instead left it down, it wasn't like we were doing any physical training today, or at least this morning. I'd probably go to the training center and work myself to the bone this evening so that I could exhaust my body to the point where it'd be forced to fall asleep. It seemed to be the only method that worked, although it didn't prevent the nightmares...

Swallowing hard, as if doing so would shove down the demon that was my subconscious, I grabbed my lightsaber and strapped it to my belt. My lightsaber really was a beautiful thing, what it's purpose was... well not so much. 

I had designed the hilt to be silver instead of clad black which would have blended in better with my outfit, vines snaked up the handle and small flowers bloomed that helped my fingers stay in place as I swung it. Although it was a murder weapon it didn't mean it couldn't be pretty, I guess I could've said the same about myself. 

I felt like a flower sometimes, one of those lethal venomous ones that were all wrapped up in pretty petals. 

With a sigh I pulled a jacket over my shoulder, seeing as it always seemed to be freezing on the Finalizer, and then headed out of my room, glad to finally escape the place that held so many nightmares. 

I walked down the hallway, not even bothering to care to wake Kylo if he wasn't already. I could still see the caring look in his eyes from last night and I knew I wasn't ready to see his face again. He knew I had been crying, it's not like I could've hidden my bloodshot eyes or blotchy cheeks, and besides, he was no fool. After last night training was going to be so much fun today...

The door slid open and I walked in, my ears filled with the sounds of grunting. My eyebrows raised subconsciously as I saw Kylo Ren hitting a punching bag in the corner of the room. He was wearing a tank top and pants and his bare skin shone with sweat that gleamed in the fluorescent light. His hair was damp and hung around him in dark waves. 

His eyes flashed towards me right as he was about to go in for an uppercut, and instead he lowered his hand, summoning a towel to his palm with the force as he approached me, wiping at the sweat on his brow. 

"Hello Cimmerian." He said flashing me a bright smile, I shuddered at the way he said my name, I liked how it came out of his lips, he made it sound much less grim than it actually was. "What wonderful lesson do you have planned today?" 

Whatever happened last night somehow seemed to slip his mind, or he chose not to mention it, I was pretty sure it was the ladder, but either way I was grateful. But regardless of the fact that he was ignoring it I couldn't hide the blush on my cheeks as he stepped closer to me, his eyes sparkling. 

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. All I could think about was that moment I saw him standing before me and that utter rush of relief I got, that warmth had spread from my hairline to my toes and it made all my dark thoughts drift away, as if they were taken by a gentle wave brushing upon the sand. 

"Assassin got your tongue?" He asked, walking past me, his arm brushing mine, a smell of sharp mint wafting into my nose as he did so. I turned to look at him over my shoulder, rolling my eyes as he took a sip from his water bottle. 

"I don't remember giving you the word to train this morning." I said, crossing my arms over my chest and blowing the stray hair out of my eyes, suddenly wishing I had tied my it back before I left. 

"And I don't remember needing your permission to workout." He said, looking back at me, and rolling his shoulders making his muscles tense. I averted my wanting eyes up to his, and I could've sworn I saw the faintest smile appear on his lips. 

"You do realize I am Snoke's apprentice as well, I can walk around the base and do pretty much whatever I want." He said, I put my weight onto one hip, shifting my feet and raising an eyebrow at him. 

"Okay, well maybe not whatever, but I do have a loose leash." I gave him a look and he raised his hands up in defence, "Which apparently you can tighten. Anyways, what exactly are we doing today, oh magnanimous master." He said. 

"I'm sorry, would you like to do target practice today?" I said, "It will certainly be an engaging lesson." I said, making him laugh, shaking his head. 

"We're working on mind blocking. I'm sure you've done it before but this time it's with me." I said, moving so that I was standing on the mat, cracking my neck and straightening out my stiff limbs, which must have been clenched all night, resulting in aches all over my body. 

"And that makes a difference?" He asked, standing in front of me, he was terribly close, close enough to not be comfortable, and yet he didn't move away. And so, taking the challenge I raised my chin and sucked in breath, sticking my feet to the ground. If he wanted to play that game, I would too. 

"Yes, it does." I said, our eyes locked onto each other and I felt that tug at my core again, this time so powerful that I took a step back, taking a shaky breath as I plopped myself onto the ground, bending my legs under me. 

"What are you doing?" He asked, I gestured for him to join me and he reluctantly did so, eyeing me strangely as he sat directly across from me, his knee's brushing mine, sending goosebumps to cover my skin, goosebumps that he eyed, probably noticing the hot climate around us. 

"Alright." I said, trying to maintain the blush that rose along my cheeks, "I am going to choose a memory, and I want you to break through my mind and see what I'm thinking of. 

The first time will be easy and it will be a memory that doesn't matter much to me, the more we move on the harder it gets."

"And the more intimate the memories get?" He asked, I tried to hide the stiffness in my spine as I said: 

"Yup, I need motivation if I want stronger barriers." I said, trying out the joke on my tongue, my voice betrayed me and I was sure he could hear the nervousness in my tone. He looked at me, letting out a sigh as he adjusted his position getting settled in. 

"Comfortable?" I asked. 

"Shut up." I smiled up at him and then chose my memory, something easy, something flippant. Easy. I chose the color of my comforter, the image popping up in my head almost instantly. I looked over at him, my face one like cement as I nodded, motioning for him to proceed. 

He was barely noticeable, in fact, if I didn't know he was doing it I probably wouldn't have even been able to tell. But then again I was trained, I could feel the light brush of his invisible fingers brushing against my easily breakable wall, breezing through a weak spot and acquiring the memory. 

"Princess pink, that's the color of your blanket." He said, smirking slightly, I glared at him and he laughed, laughed so hard that he had to clutch at his stomach, and when he was finally recovered he wiped a few tears from his eyes, but I was pretty sure that was for dramatic effect. 

"I'm kidding, it's grey. But that look on your face was worth it." He said, continuing to laugh, earning a sharp punch on his shoulder from me, making him quiet down, and instead settling for a smug smirk. I looked over at the clock on the wall, smirking. 

"Barely ten seconds, that's alright." I said, nudging his knee with mine, the contact jarring. 

"Just alright?" He asked, his eyebrows raising.   
"I mean, yeah, for someone who isn't as strong as me, or as controlled-" I started but he cut me off before he could finish. 

"Alright Cimmerian, then give me something harder." He said, squinting his eyes in a challenging way. I chewed on my lip and I saw his eyes flickered down to the teeth caught on my mouth and he shifted in his position, waiting for me. 

This time I chose a better memory, one that was closer to me. It was a memory of the time I had been under the golden light of my desk, hunched over my saber hilt as I designed the winding vines and flowers, sweat dotted my forehead as I was in utter concentration, trying to make it perfect because like Snoke had said, it was supposed to be like an extension of my body. I figured I'd be wielding it for a while so I needed to make it as perfect as I could.

I leaned back on the mat, rolling my shoulder as my eyes slid onto Kylo's. I grinned at him and he smirked back, a shared look in our eyes that I couldn't quite explain. That warmth grew in my core, but this time I didn't move away from it and instead let it come dangerously close, let myself feel the heat, the glow. 

"You were building a double-bladed lightsaber hilt. Really, that was easier than last time, aren't your walls supposed to be getting higher, Cimmerian?" He asked, I felt a blush rising on my face, I had been distracted by him, or whatever he did to me. 

That feeling made me want to drop all of my walls, all of my armor and just become vulnerable, like a child, like I had been before I was thrust into this dark world that had become my life. 

"It was a test." I said, "To see if you were paying attention." I spluttered the last part out too quickly, so fast that it was deemed suspicious, he eyed me out of the corner of his eyes but didn't say anything, and instead nodded, like I had revealed an important lesson or something, and I knew he was just sparing my feelings. 

"Do you want to go again?" He asked, and I nodded, running my hands through my hair before picking my next memory, one that was much more intimate than the others. 

My first kill. That was the one I had chosen. 

The memory which was still so clear, I could still see my hands gripping the sword, it's handles digging into my palms as the man who had been like a father to me up in the mountains kneeled before me. I could still hear the harsh whispers of Snoke's voice in my ear telling me to end him, that if I did I'd finally become his true apprentice, finally become Cimmerian. 

And so I did, the blow was fast and quick and I rammed it right through his heart in such a way that he died instantaneously, feeling no pain. It was either that or Snoke would have forced me to watch him kill the man slowly, cracking his bones and popping veins. I reassured myself that it was better to die at the hands of someone you loved then someone you hated, right? 

I felt Kylo brush up against my walls, his presence making my walls strengthen. I had endured years of hiding things from Snoke, concealing my true feelings and emotions behind a mask of cement, so smooth and impenetrable that even the Supreme Leader couldn't get in. 

But this time, something was different. My walls wanted to crumble at Kylo's presence, wanted to let him in. It was suddenly a battle with myself, fighting the urge to let him see a vulnerable memory that revealed my dark past. 

He grit his teeth in front of me, his hands twitching as he pressed against the tough walls encasing my mind, these walls were crafted out of blood, my own and my enemies, sweat, and tears, so many tears. They were impenetrable. 

Kylo struggled, his face twitching as I felt the pressure increase inside my mind, pushing and pushing because there were no weak spots for him to pass through, now he had to shatter the wall. 

Kylo let out a short breath before shoving a strong wave of the force at me, accompanied with a sharp pain lacing through my temples, that was snuffed out by the euphoric pleasure growing inside of my chest, making me gasp as the wall cracked just barely, giving him a small window to the sacred memory. 

But, I built up the bricks one by one until he couldn't see anything, until it was much tougher than what it had been before. 

"You killed him." He breathed out, looking up at me, his forehead dotted with sweat, "The man you called friend you killed him." I nodded, feeling ice form in my stomach as I did so, shivering slightly despite the warmth in the room. 

I saw his hand reach out, as if he meant to touch my knee, but he then quickly dropped it into his lap, chewing on the inside of my cheek. 

"Last one, this one I won't let you get in so easily." I said. 

Because this one I don't want anyone to see, especially you. 

The memory was one that haunted me at night, that trailed me in the halls and weighed down on my subconscious. The memory was one of my sister, with her tear-filled eyes and opened mouth, screaming for me not to go. To not abandon her like our parents did just a year before. 

Sucking in a sharp breath I made my walls out of titanium, impenetrable to anyone who dare try to break through them. This one I'd let him struggle on, this one I wouldn't let him have. 

Then his presence was there, tracing along the edge of my restricted mind. He was like a shadow, flickering over my wall, pressing for weak spots that he knew weren't going to be there. He winced as he found a particularly tough spot, knowing I'd be alerted of his presence if he tried to push through it. 

After a few minutes of just figuring out a way to get in he finally gave up and just tried to push into my thoughts with brute force. Pushing against my encased mind. 

I let out a sharp breath pushing back on him as he continued to try and break my wall, because that was the only way he'd be able to see what was hidden within, to shatter it entirely. 

Kylo leaned forward, so much so that we were sharing the same air, sharing the same struggle as we fought each other. He was strong, but I was stronger. I slipped some more of my force, some more power, some more darkness down my walls, making him wince as I made pain blossom inside his head. 

He continued to push though, never pulling away. He was determined, and strong with the darkside for such little training. Snoke's praise did little to show how powerful he truly was. 

Sweat glimmered on his brow, as he sent out a wave of that pleasure tugging at my core. I wondered if he even knew he was doing it, or if it was completely subconsciously done. But, I didn't let that overtake me, I fought it with my darkness, it overpowered the light, snuffing it out. 

Kylo let out one last push, so strong that pain broke behind my forehead, making stars burst under my eyelids. I gasped and fell back onto the mat, closing my eyes as I fought wave after wave of pain, slowly rebuilding my wall which was in ruins. My eyes suddenly shot open and I sat up, looking at him. 

"That was not how-" I started, but he cut me off before I could finish. 

"You had a sister." He breathed, looking up at me, his face pale, his body trembling. Some color was slowly returning to his cheeks but he looked like he had given it everything he had. He must've been so desperate to see what I was so keen on hiding. "What was her name?" He asked. 

"I have a sister." I said, my words lined with ice, hiding the fact that utter horror had uncurled itself inside my stomach. He knew my secret, he knew about her. I could easily take the memory away but for some reason I didn't want to. I wanted to share it with someone, anyone, even if I did have to settle for Kylo Ren. 

"What happened to her?" He asked, I wiped the sweat from my face, and adjusted my position, shifting away from him. I hadn't realized just how close we had gotten until I saw his face just inches from mine. 

"I was taken away from my sister when I was eight years old. Snoke had sensed my power and forced me to become his apprentice, but before I could I had to go to Kijimi, a terribly cold mountainous planet that was probably crafted with hell as a guideline. Snoke's henchman, seven brutal mountain men, trained me in combat and weapon wielding. I was forced to kill the one who took me under his wing, the one who treated me like a friend, to show my allegiance to Snoke. To truly become his apprentice." 

Kylo studied me, something flickering in his hazel eyes. He scratched at the back of his neck as if he was trying to soak in my words, like he couldn't believe I actually had a past or family, that I hadn't always been a brutal assassin. 

"You never told me her name." He finally said after a few minutes of silence passed between us. 

"One day." I said, he smiled and I felt that warmth pool in my stomach, spreading out towards my heart. 

"Fair enough." He said, standing and offering me his hand. I glowered up at it for a second, chewing on my cheek before finally giving in and grabbing it. 

We'd have to work together, trust each other if we were ever going to be master and apprentice. 

He gripped at my hand as he pulled me up, his palm was warm and his callouses scraped against my own, the hands of warriors, the hands of people who had both been through too much. 

I got to my feet and immediately stepped away from him, feeling as if a few pieces of my armor had fallen away, like I wasn't as guarded standing in front of him as I had been before. Something flashed in his expression, and the air around us seemed to still, as if he had noticed it too. I cleared my throat, the back of my neck hot as I looked at him. 

"Get changed and meet me outside my room." I said, already starting to grab my things, he jogged over to me, snatching his water bottle from the bench and taking a swig from it. 

"Why?" He asked, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, "Did you finally get a mission?" I rolled my eyes slipping out the training doors, Kylo on my heels. 

"No." I said, simply, "Today you're getting your mask."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!


	4. Masks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wait." Wryder said, pulling away from me, his hands on my hips, squeezing them gently, making me shudder. "What are you doing here?" I smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips, which he willingly let me. 
> 
> "I need a distraction." I said, my voice low. He looked down at me, smirking. 
> 
> "Then let me help distract you."

Kylo  
"What do you mean my mask?" I asked Cimmerian, easily keeping up with her fast pace, using my long stride to stay with her, despite the fact that she was probably trying to move ahead of me. 

She looked at me out of the corner of her eyes, her gaze sweeping my face as she crossed her toned arms over her chest. 

"I mean your mask." She said, squinting up at me. Although she was shorter than me, and thin, and just a young girl, she was still intimidating, even without the force I was sure you could feel the power radiating off of her, the sheer terror she installed in the hearts of her enemies. 

She was an emotionless killer to most, but not to me, no, I saw past her facade, I knew more to her story now. I knew she wasn't an empty void, but a person, with real feelings, and a sister whom she had been separated from when she was only eight. 

"Why do I need a mask?" I asked, "You don't wear one." She pulled the red scarf from her pocket, waving it in front of my face. It was the one she tied around the lower half of her face when she was on missions, when she killed. It was the same scarf that she had wrapped  
around my own eyes during our training, I remembered it smelt like vanilla, like her. 

"I mean, you don't wear one all the time. The people around the base know what your face looks like." I said, nearly ramming into the wall as I turned quickly, following her back to our quarters. 

"Because I don't need to hide behind a mask to be intimidating, not many people know what my true face looks like outside the Finalizer. But you, Padawan-" She said, a hint of a smile curling up onto her lips, "Know lots of people, lots of people on the Resistance. It's better if those people don't recognize you when you're on missions, so that you can start anew, be wiped of your old life." 

I couldn't help but cringe at her words, would I really have to be put on the battlefield with people who I called family. My mother, my father, Chewie, maybe even Lando. The idea made me want to collapse onto the floor and beg for forgiveness. Cimmerian suddenly stopped in her tracks, turning to face me, her bronze eyes flitting up to meet mine. 

"Most likely you will see them again, probably in... bad circumstances. I know the mask isn't the best thing but it'll help you maintain the man you've built here, hopefully help you to not crumble." She said, her eyebrows drawing in in what I could assume was watery sympathy. 

I wondered why she was doing this, why she didn't just tell me to suck it up, and instead consoled me. 

"You're not telling me to shut up and live with it?" I asked, she smirked, kicking my shoe with the toe of her boot, starting to walk forward once again. I let out a sigh, glad we were back to our old ways, I could've cut the tension between us with a knife. 

"I'm not because I've lived through your story before, I too had to make who I once was die, die at my own hands. And just because I didn't have someone to lean on doesn't mean you shouldn't." 

"I don't need someone to lean on." I said. Cimmerian turned to me, smirking as she opened the door to her room, I hadn't even realized we had already gotten to this hallway. 

I guess she had a way of distracting me... 

"Everyone does." She said, and then she walked into her room, leaving me alone in the corridor. And as her door closed I saw a flash of the comforter on her bed; steel grey. I let out a laugh and walked to my own room, shaking my head as I opened the door. 

I slipped a shirt on over my head, and quickly ran my hands through my hair, fluffing it before I grabbed my old training clothes and threw them into the hamper. I didn't know how they dealt with laundry here, or if it'd be beyond her if I asked Cimmerian if we did our own. She didn't seem like the person to be asking housekeeping questions. 

As I was about to walk out of my room, nearly five minutes before Cimmerian said we were supposed to meet, something shiny caught my eye. 

I glanced over at the saber on my dresser, my old one, the one I wielded when I was a padawan, when I still trained with Luke and wore Jedi robes and laughed with the other soon-to-be Jedi's. But that life was gone now, gone just like Ben Solo was. 

And he was never coming back. But despite the fact that my mind tried to tell me not to, my feet seemed to move forward on their own, taking slow steps towards the saber. 

I remembered building that thing on my own, finding my kyber crystal and going alone into the jedi temple to build it. Luke had sent me there saying I'd be better connected to the force there and it would help me build my weapon, but now I wondered if it was because he knew of my darkness and thought that it'd help tame it. 

Before I knew it the toes of my boots hit the edge of the dresser, I hadn't realized I had already walked all the way over here. My hand reached over and my fingertips caressed the cool metal, the metal that had once been so comfortable in my grip now foreign. 

This was the weapon I used to kill my peers, to kill the people I once called friends. 

I had laughed with my fellow padawans, ate countless dinners with them, stayed up late talking about the girls we had seen on our latest mission. They had been like brothers and sisters to me. But of course none of that mattered as I let the stream of deadly blue light cut through their bodies one after the next after the next. 

I had never killed like that before, out of true hate and darkness. It scared me, how all-consuming it was, but it gave me power... so much raw and untamed power. 

And now I was going to use it, manipulate that power. Luke knew of my abilities, my potential, but he was scared of it, just like my parents had been. But Cimmerian wasn't, she'd help me control it, help me grow into who I was truly meant to be. And that person wasn't Ben Solo, that was Kylo Ren. 

With a growl I opened the dresser drawer and shoved it in, letting it slam shut with the force. I would destroy it later but now I had a meeting to make my mask. 

My own mask. I still couldn't believe I was going to get one, I wondered what it was going to look like or if it'd just be a scarf like Cimmerians, although I doubted it considering we had to go somewhere to retrieve it. 

I ran my hands through my hair, shoving down the nervousness bubbling up inside of me so harshly that I almost choked on it as I walked out of my room. 

As the door slid shut behind me I saw Cimmerian across the hall, leaning against the door and cleaning out her nails with the tip of her knife. 

Her hair was down, something I liked better than when it was harshly pulled away from her face and into a ponytail. I felt my eyes widen at my own thoughts and I scratched at the back of my neck, clearing my throat to get her attention. 

"Do us both a favor and control your thoughts, Ren." She said, not looking up at me as she continued to poke at her nails, her eyes scrunching as she tried to be thorough. 

Although she acted bitter, I could still see the gleam in her eye and the way her mouth turned into a small smile. 

"I...Um." I started, feeling incredibly hot despite the fact that the Finalizer's climate seemed to be based around the dead of winter. She raised a hand up at me, waving me off. I sighed, knowing I wouldn't be able to finish that sentence if I tried. 

"You're late." She said, pocketing the knife and looking up at him, crossing her arms over her chest. 

I tried to seem casual and leaned against the wall, despite the fact that my stomach was twisting angrily inside of me and I couldn't seem to stop the redness that creeped up my neck and settled at my cheeks. 

"I got distracted." I said, her eyes caught mine, the gold in them seeming brighter than what I had ever seen it before. She pushed a strand of hair from her face and stood up straighter, her hands clenched at her sides. I could practically see the battle raging inside her mind, I could smell the conflict on her and desperately wanted to poke around in her head but I knew she'd know if I tried. 

"Well don't let it happen again." She said, walking off and leaving me gaping after her, unsure of what had just went on between us. "Well come along, the makers don't appreciate when we're late, but that's what we are, thanks to you." I quickly walked up to her, matching her pace. 

"Makers?" I asked as we rounded a corner, her heeled boots clicking loudly on the floor. The shoes gave her height but still her shoulders didn't even reach mine, I wanted to laugh at the jarring contrast between us. 

"Yes. The employee's who make everything, from uniforms, to badges, to shoes." She said, making it sound like it was obvious. I rolled my eyes, shoving my hands into my pockets as we continued to stride down the hall. 

"Do I get a say in what the mask looks like?" I said, eyeing a group of stormtroopers who jogged past us, the sound of their armor clanking bouncing off of the walls. 

"No. But I did." She said, grinning wickedly at me. I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose with my fingers and letting out a sigh. 

"And what did you do, Cimmerian." I said, looking at her out of the corner of my eye. She looked up at me, nudging my arm with her shoulder. I flinched at her touch, it was strange to see her so... comfortable. 

I was used to seeing her with a scowl on her face and her classic assassin facade on, but this... this was different, I had an idea that this was the girl who didn't wield any weapons or run tasks for Snoke. 

"Oh don't be so melodramatic, I didn't ask them to put a vulgar drawing or anything on it since that's what you're thinking of." She said, "I'm surprised you'd think so lowly of me." 

Cimmerian grinned up me, I wished she did that more often, it made her face light up, made her look younger, happier. I didn't acknowledge the fact that she had went swimming inside my mind without my knowledge, not wanting to ruin a moment where she wasn't glowering. 

"I'm so relieved." I said, sarcastically, earning a sharp jab to my ribs, making me wince in pain and reach out to lightly hit her but she was too fast, grabbing my arm and twisting it so that it was pinned behind my back, in response, I hit her knee and made her stumble slightly so that I could take both of her hands and envelope them in just my one, being careful not to apply too much pressure to her injured one. She was pinned to the wall, tugging at my hold on her which I did not loosen. 

"I win." I said, I hadn't realized just how close we had become in all of the commotion but our noses were nearly touching, my chest hitting hers as I let out a labored breath. Her eyes flicked up to mine so that I could see the gold that was flecked throughout her iris. 

"You forgot." She said, squinting her eyes slightly. A smile creeped up onto my mouth as I tightened my hold on her dainty wrists, for someone who had trained practically her whole life she was rather tiny. 

"And what's that?" I asked, letting my voice get low and honeyed. 

She suddenly slammed her heel into my foot making me wince and let go of her wrists, pressing my back to the wall, but as I reached out for her she whirled and grabbed at my hand, twisting it so that my palm was now turned towards the ceiling, and I was unable to move towards her thanks to the ache starting up my arm. 

"I always win." She said, and then let go of my hand, letting it drop sadly to my side.

Cimmerian winked at me before waltzing off, barely fazed by the little episode we just had. I ran my hands through my hair, leaning against the wall. 

Damn. 

"Stop gaping and catch up, Padawan." She called out after her, I shook my head, still dazed as I followed her throughout the corridors, ignoring the proud smirk she wore that wasn't afraid to flash at me when she knew I was looking at her. 

"Bested by a girl younger than you." She said, shaking her head and smirking as she wound her fingers through the belt loops of her pants. 

"Bested by a trained assassin, there's a difference." I said, she raised an eyebrow at me, chewing on her bottom lip. 

"Is there?" She asked, grinning at me. I opened my mouth to say something but as we turned down into another hallway we were met with two officers, each higher ranked by the looks of their badges and uniforms. 

I felt Cimmerian bristle next to me, her spine going straight and her jaw setting. She had put on her mask once again, the one which she had let drop for me just minutes ago. I too became more rigid, furrowing my brows and standing straighter so that I towered over the two men. 

They both looked at us, fear evident in their wide eyes, and confusion, towards me, they didn't know who I was but they were already afraid. 

Good. I was rebuilding myself, this was good, this was what I wanted; what I needed. 

The men nodded at us, inching closer towards the wall to give us more space as we passed. Cimmerian narrowed her eyes, keeping them trained on what was before us. Something was churning inside of her, hatred, so dark it threatened to swallow me whole. It burned inside her veins, I could feel it thrumming strongly inside of her, making her shake with fury. 

She's just a little girl. One of them thought, a man with bushy eyebrows and a crooked nose. A nose which maybe I could fix if I punched it hard enough. 

She probably got her high rank through sleeping around. The other one thought, his thoughts were dirty, nasty and vile. He made anger settle in the pit of my stomach and I had to resist the urge to shove him into the wall with the force, so hard that his skull would shatter. 

"Don't bother." Cimmerian said once they had walked out of earshot. Her cheeks were flushed and one hand was clenched at her side while the other rested on the hilt of her saber. I hadn't paid attention to it before but it was beautiful, with it's silver vines and leaves curling around the handle. 

It wasn't like mine, but double bladed. I'd ask her one day to ignite it so I could see it in all of its glory. 

"Those men should be killed for what they thought of you." I said through gritted teeth. Cimmerian looked up at me, her eyes widening, as if she was surprised that someone had said something about it. I suddenly wondered if anyone knew about the way people treated her or if she let that be a burden for herself to carry, alone. 

"Well if that's what you think then you'd need to kill nearly everyone on this base." She said, her breathing labored as we continued to bound through the corridors, our footsteps echoing off of the walls like a warning for anyone who approached us to get the hell away. 

"Why do you let them treat you this way?" I asked, still fighting the urge to turn back and chase after those guys, reprimanding them for thinking such dirty thoughts about my master. "You need to consult someone-" I started, but she suddenly turned on her heel, stopping in her tracks. 

"Don't you dare tell me what to do, Ren." She said, pointing a finger at me. "I know what they think of me, I hear every vile thought that swims through every head, but I can't stop it. I tried, they all still think I'm just a foolish girl or a slut, and I can't do anything about it." She threw her hands up in the air, something dangerous and slightly... chaotic shifting behind those golden eyes. 

"Because god forbid a woman is more powerful than them." She said, her voice now quiet, sorrowful. She lowered her hand and stepped away, swallowing hard as she shoved her hands into her pockets and walked off again, her golden hair like a beacon in the dark hallways. 

I wanted to reach out towards her, to grab her arm or her hand, but I forced myself into control. Lowering my head and following her, being smart and keeping my mouth shut. 

We walked in silence for the next few minutes, Cimmerian didn't even bother to look back to see if I was following her. I wondered just how far this so called 'maker' was and how big the base was, it felt like we had been walking on and on forever. 

But my question was answered when we stopped at a door, one that didn't differ from any of the others I had seen lining the different hallways. 

Cimmerian knocked on the door with the toe of her boot, flicking her hair back behind her shoulder, I adjusted me footing, smelling her vanilla wafting off of her. 

Suddenly the door opened and a woman emerged, she had dark flawless skin, and bright eyes. She squinted at us, her eyes falling onto me, roaming my body and she smirked slightly, leaning back against the wall, batting her eyelashes. I stiffened, my muscles feeling tighter than a coiled wire. 

"Is this the new... apprentice?" She asked reaching out and tugging on the lapel of my jacket. I took a step back, brushing her hand away. I looked for Cimmerian for help but she only rolled her eyes. 

"Careful, Sabrine." She said, "Snoke won't appreciate it if his new student is tampered with." I looked down at her, my eyes wide. Why wasn't she scolding this woman, or using her assasin charm to scare the wits out of her? 

"Such a shame, he is a pretty one." Sabrine said, before turning on her heel and waltzing into the room, Cimmerian following after her, her eyes dark and calculating. I shuddered at the memory of her hands on my jacket as I walked through the doorway. 

The room was like a large closet, with clothes and uniforms lining the wall, shoes in one corner, and hats in the other. The large room was split in half, one side was where clothing was made and the other was one of kindling heat, and tools. A large fire was in the corner where I assumed she crafted different things of metal. 

"You are here for the mask and uniform, I presume?" Sabrine asked, her eyes flickering up to my face and resting there, a devilish smile forming on her painted lips. I resisted the urge to gag as I leaned against the wall, wanting nothing more than to flee the room. 

"Yes, are they finished?" Cimmerian asked, walking around the room and fingering the different fabrics that were stacked on top of each other. 

"They are, I just need to add a few finishing touches." She said, "Now that I've seen him in person I have the perfect addition I'd like to add, if you don't mind." Cimmerians eyes darkened and she took a step forward, resting a hand on the belt which held her saber, a power move. 

"I do. Keep it the way I designed it, nothing more." She said, Sabrines seductive gaze twinkled and she nodded, ducking behind a curtain, the sound of metal clanging and clothes shuffling sounded and I shuddered, I wondered what it was going to look like, I mean did I even want a mask? 

"It'll be fine, I'm sure you'll like it." She said, answering my thoughts. 

"Get out of my head, Cimmerian." I said, crossing my arms over my chest. 

"If you want to keep me out strengthen your walls." She said, kicking at a ball of yarn that was on the floor, sending it skidding. 

My eyes locked onto hers and she gazed back at me, squinting. We were suddenly in a staring competition like thing, a test of power. Seeing who was going to give in first. 

We both did not waver, Cimmerians lips turned into a smile and she clenched her hands, swallowing hard. 

A wave of her washed over me, strong and dark. I didn't know how to describe the feeling but somehow it was like she had let a piece of her armor drop. 

"Oh, don't let me interrupt." Sabrine said, Cimmerian didn't turn away from me, but I blinked, turning to face the maker and letting her win. "I could cut the tension between you two with a knife." She said, chuckling. I clenched my jaw, now I really wanted to leave. 

"Get it over with, Sabrine." Cimmerian said almost boredly as she skimmed through weaves of colorful cloth. 

The woman winked at the assassin before sauntering over to me, something in her hands. She was holding dark fabric, my uniform, I assumed. And on top of it was a helmet, my mask. 

It was sleek, a black so dark it looked like the space between stars. The top was round yet the mouthpiece was rectangular, there was a section covering where my eyes would go that would conceal my eyes from anyone looking. Silver metal was around the eye holes and were in an elaborate design where my cheeks would be. 

It was beautiful, yet sleek and dark and menacing. It would instill fear in the hearts of everyone on the base, they'd no longer look at me questioningly, no, they'd know the name Kylo Ren. 

"And what does the boy think?" Sabrine asked, her fingers prodded at my own, she was still gripping at the ensemble she was giving me. I quickly pulled my hand and uniform away from her, putting up a wall with the force that she'd bounce off of if she'd try to move just an inch closer to me. 

"I think he likes it." Cimmerian said, coming to stand next to me, her arm brushing my own. "Thank you, Sabrine." Sabrine smiled, her tongue gliding over her teeth making nausea uncurl itself inside my stomach, how was she hired by the First Order? 

Cimmerian barely looked at the maker before exiting the room, and I followed suit, not sure if I could spend another waking moment in that sweltering room. I wiped the sweat off of my brow, suddenly glad of the ships cold air. 

"Sabrines always been like that, it's a part of her... charm." Cimmerian said. 

"Well she's quite the charmer." I said, trying to shove the memory of her awfully wicked gaze from my head. Cimmerian turned a corner and laughed, a laugh that didn't sound like it should've come from an assassin. I smirked, enjoying the sound. 

Today I had seen more of her than I probably should have and I didn't mind. I wanted to know who she was, see the girl beneath the armor. And one day, if I gave her the proper attention, she might just let me. 

Calana  
I followed Ren into his quarters, taking in how clean they were, despite the fact that there were clothes in the corner everything else seemed spotless. Almost like no one even lived here. 

I wanted to laugh, compared to my rooms it was abnormally clean considering I never bothered to make my bed or pick up the clothes from the floor. Not to mention I had a growing collection of books stacked and scattered all over my desk. 

"Do you want me to get you anything?" He asked as I walked through the doorway. I looked over at him, shaking my head. I mean, it wasn't like he really could get me anything, he didn't have a mini fridge like I did in my room, which took me forever to convince the board to give me. The best Kylo could do would get me water from the tap in the bathroom. 

"Well, make yourself at home, I guess." Kylo said, scratching at the back of his neck. He still seemed shaken up from Sabrine and I couldn't blame him, she certainly was a spectacle. I didn't know what she would have done to him if I wasn't there, she knew I wouldn't put up with her games which was why she was rather tame today. 

I sat down at the edge of his bed, playing with the material of his soft blanket. His room wasn't small, it was rather large, with a grey dresser and large bathroom that from what I could see had a nice glass shower like mine. 

But unlike my room he didn't have the wall of glass showing him the stars, the wall I looked through whenever I had a pounding head from the nightmares or the guilt. Whenever I felt my conscious weighing down so hard on me that I couldn't breathe. When I was scared I was going to drown. 

"You know, you can send for servants to come and collect your laundry." I said, gesturing to the awkward pile in the corner. He looked over at me, running a hand through his inky black hair. It seemed so soft, I'd have to ask him what type of conditoner he used, and if that's what made it look so silky. 

"I keep it in here." He said, gesturing to the dresser. I gave him a strange look, my brows furrowing. 

"Why?" I asked, leaning back onto my hands and stretching my long legs out in front of me. I wasn't short, but I wasn't exactly tall either. Lengthy was a good word for me, I was mostly limbs, I had inherited my fathers thin physique and my mothers frame. It had taken me forever to put on the muscle, but once I had it was easy to maintain, and once I had I thought I looked better. 

Before I was taken by the First Order I was nothing but bones thanks to the lack of food on the desert planet. 

"Because I couldn't bare to look at it anymore." I nodded, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. I understood. 

When I was taken by the soldiers I had brought with me a hair clip, one that my sister and I always fought over. She had given it to me the moment before I left, saying it was prettier on me anyways. I had kept it a secret from those mountain men on Kijimi and when I got to the base I immediately put it into a drawer in my nightstand, unable to see it without wanting to lash out at someone or something. My knuckles were bloody that night from how many times I punched the wall...

It was scary, those first few years. I had become Cimmerian but I still felt like Calana. I had so many pent up emotions, some nights I'd cry and cry for hours, imagining my parents' faces and my sisters. 

But, other nights, most nights, I'd lash out, I'd see red and I'd feel so utterly angry. And I'd forget all sense of time or awareness as I lost control. I'd wake up out of my haze to find the room in pieces, melted with lashes of my saber, my comforter torn up from my nails, my freaking nails...

"Cimmerian." Kylo said, breaking me out of my haze. 

Cimmerian. Cimmerian. Cimmerian. That's not my name! I wanted to yell at him. But instead, I tucked my knee's into my chest, wrapping my arms around them and mumbling a half assed apology. 

"Are you alright, your eyes got all dark-" He started, but I gave him a glare and he closed his mouth, but not without thinking a vile thought so loud he meant for me to hear it. I gave him a vulgar gesture and he shook his head, rolling his eyes. 

"For someone so... lethal, you're rather immature." He said leaning against the dresser and propping an arm onto it. I pressed my chin to my knees observing the way he stood, how I could see the muscles poking out from the thin material of his shirt. The same shirt that Sabrine had tugged on that for some reason got me angry, although I had shoved down the emotion before I could truly evaluate it. 

"And for someone who's only in their twenties you act like an old man." I said, this time he returned my vulgar gesture and I stuck my tongue out at him, making him laugh. 

"Well are you going to show me the thing or not? I can't help you build the saber if I don't know what style worked for you as a Padawan." I said, he nodded, something dark flickering in those hazel eyes. 

I could tell the wound of him being a former Padawan was still fresh so I quickly made a mental note to not bring it up until he was ready to speak of it. 

Kylo opened a drawer to the dresser, his hands shaking as he did so, just barely, but of course I had been trained to see things like that. 

Moments of weakness in my enemies. 

Kylo reached into it and pulled out a shiny metal thing, the hilt of his saber. The one he had used when he was training with Luke Skywalker, the one he had probably learned everything with. 

"Are you connected to it?" I asked, as he studied the thing in his hands, his eyes were distant, and I could tell he wasn't truly with me, but somewhere far away. 

"Yes and no." He said, not tearing his gaze from the weapon to speak to me, "I am in the sense that the kyber crystal chose me, and that I have grown up with it. But no because I've committed things with this that I'd rather forget. This was a part of my past that I want to get rid of." 

"To cope?" I asked, his eyes flashed to mine. Darkness swam in them, darkness I recognized in myself. 

"To forget." He said, moving to sit down next to me. Our arms brushed and I had to fight the urge to shudder, or close off the space between us. That glow was back again and I wanted to move towards him to get a better feel of it. I wanted to know what it felt like to touch the source of that euphoric feeling. 

"I want my past to be obliterated. This will help me forget, will help me be rebuilt as Kylo Ren." He said, turning to face me. I looked down, too much of a coward to look at him now. I was scared that he'd recognize his turmoil in me, that he'd see how guilty I felt for being the one who'd have to tear down the good in him and rebuild him as a monster. To be such a big part in recreating the same things that happened to me. 

We were practically walking the same path, but this time I was the one aiding him, I wasn't the victim. 

"Can I see it." I said, reaching out my hand. He looked down at my outstretched palm, sucking in a sharp breath before giving it to me. Our fingers brushed and I felt that pulse of warmth at my core strengthen. So I was right, it did get more enhanced when we touched. 

I studied the hilt, it was smooth and sleek, unlike mine which was made for grips and swinging, and intense fighting. This was simplistic yet strong, it was intimidating and I felt powerful just holding it. 

But when I held it I felt something awful. A dark churning feeling started up inside of me, innocent were killed with this weapon, such heavy conflict could be felt at the contact. It was a piece in the breaking of Ben Solo, in his destruction. 

"I can feel it." I breathed, Kylo nodded solemnly, hanging his head so that his hair sagged forward. 

"I feel it everyday." He said. Something slid into place between us, a connection, something like a tether between our souls. I felt the warmth only increase, I could feel his raging thoughts and the conflict inside of him. I could sense his force, how powerful he was. 

He looked at me, his eyes wide. He had felt it too.

Whatever this was, it wasn't good. I shoved the lightsaber back at him and stood up from the bed, my head was swimming and the room was spinning dangerously around me but I didn't care. 

"Cimmerian-" He started, but I shook my head, waving him off with my hand. I kept my expression like one of ice, yet I doubted it mattered, if I could feel what he was feeling that he meant he probably knew what I was too. 

This feeling, this connection, it couldn't happen, it couldn't be possible. 

"Tomorrow we'll bleed your crystal. Good night." I said, and then I stormed out of the room, leaving him calling after me. I waltzed down hallway after hallway, ignoring that tugging at my center which so desperately urged me to go back, go back to him. 

This was the force, it had to be. But how was it possible? I had never heard of two people being linked before, but maybe I was overreacting, maybe we were just two desperate people looking for comfort at the right moment and the force did the rest. Or maybe this was meant to be, maybe we were supposed to be... connected. 

I ran my hands through my hair, this couldn't be happening. I needed to clear my head, no, I needed a distraction, something to take my mind off of Kylo Ren. And my feet were already leading me there before I knew I had made my choice. 

I hadn't been here in three weeks, seeing as we both had been too busy for much together time. But I only prayed he was here now as I pounded on his door. 

I tucked my arms against my chest, I shouldn't have been here, I was an assassin, Snoke's apprentice, I should have been working out in the training center, or studying the ways of the dark side of the force. Thankfully before I could turn back, my thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. 

"Cimmerian?" Wryder asked, his thick eyebrows coming together as he took me in. He was wearing just a t-shirt and shorts, meaning he must have been sleeping, guilt poked at me but I didn't care, I was too desperate to care. His brown hair was pressed to his forehead and his blue eyes were bright.

"What are you doing-" He started, but I interrupted him by waltzing forward and pressing my lips to his. He tensed at first but then melted into my touch, pressing his hands to my back, and stumbling back into the safety of his room, keeping us away from any prying eyes.

I closed the door with my foot and wound my hands through his short hair, enjoying the softness of it. It had been much too long since the last time we had done this, I hadn't realized just how much my body had been in want, in need. 

"Wait." Wryder said, pulling away from me, his hands on my hips, squeezing them gently, making me shudder. "What are you doing here?" I smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips, which he willingly let me. 

"I need a distraction." I said, my voice low. He looked down at me, smirking. 

"Then let me help distract you." He said, this had been the agreement between us. No relationship no ties, just sex, pleasure when we needed it. 

I had known Wryder for years, we had met when I first got here because he had been designing my TIE fighter. Once it was finished we had done it in the cockpit, and needless to say, I didn't even need to fly the thing to feel like I was soaring through the air. 

I let out a growl as he bent down and kissed me, his hands sliding down my sides and rested on my back, they slipped down further, tracing my ass before coming to rest at the back of my thighs. He picked me up and I wound my legs around his hips, not once ceasing my assault on his lips. 

He led us to the bed, I had already worked off his shirt and slid it over his head, roaming my wanting hands over the smooth planes of his chest making him shudder and deepen the kiss. 

He put me on the bed, hovering above me as his fingers worked to unbutton my shirt and push it off of my shoulders. He then bent down and kissed the path of my collarbone, sneakily undoing my bra and tossing it to the side. 

His lips trailed down the space between my breasts and I let out a moan, it wasn't great, the sex never was, not to mention he never was a wonderfull kisser, but it was enough to make me forget, enough to make me get lost just for a few minutes. 

His fingers fumbled for the buttons at my pants, struggling with the complex zippers for a few seconds. I rolled my eyes and did it for him, making him let out a sigh as he tugged down my pants and let them join my bra in a heap on the floor. 

He continued to kiss me as one hand traced my breast, the other toying with me through the material of my underwear. 

"Take it off." I growled, he wordlessly obeyed, sliding it down my legs and placing himself in between them, his hand on my knees as he parted them. I always was the dominant one in our relationship, although for once I'd like to not be the one in control, to see what it was like to just let myself go. 

"Are you sure?" He asked, I nodded and he grinned. 

I let my eyes close and tried to get lost in it. Normally it worked, I'd let myself get sucked into the world of watery pleasure, but this time it was like my mind wouldn't let me. All I could see was Kylo's face, his wide eyes as he felt that piece click between us.

Wryder finished before I did, like always, and pulled out before I could even begin to feel anything build inside my core. I let out a sigh, knowing I'd need to finish it myself later that night. 

"You always know how to pleasure me, Cimmerian." He said, rolling onto his back next to me, he was coated in sweat and was uncomfortably warm, not to mention the way his blankets scratched against my skin made me want to jump out of myself. 

"Thank you." I said, and then sat up from the bed, quickly pulling on my clothes before raking my hands through my hair trying to tame it. Wryder always liked to tug on it during our sessions, it was the most annoying thing. 

"That's it, you don't want to stay?" He asked, propping his hands under his head and looking up at me expectantly. 

"Nope." I said, and with that I left the room, feeling dirtier than I ever had in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, things are changing, that's for sure.   
> What do we think of that connection between Calana and Kylo know? And how do we feel about our new character Wryder?   
> Until next time, friends:)


End file.
